The CDC has now updated that about 1 in 5 women struggle with infertility. While we were trying to get pregnant that statistic used to be 1 in 8. When we first realized we were having trouble getting pregnant we didn’t talk to anyone about it, it was a more taboo subject for us. We brushed it off as much as possible when people would ask us, but it was harder for us behind the scenes. We hen we did start being a little more open about our struggle with infertility with our friends and family we heard all different suggestions about what to do.

”Just relax.”

”You need to have more sex.”

“It will happen when the time is right.”

I know anyone how has struggled with infertility has heard similar things or the constant barrage of questions.

”When are you going to have a baby?”

“How many kids do you want?”

”Are you trying to get pregnant?”

I know to outsiders the questions and advice seem harmless, just curiosity, but these questions can reopen wounds for anyone struggling to get pregnant or have silently dealt with a loss of pregnancy. Every month is a new struggle when the tests come back negative or your period comes. I got to the point where I stopped taking test because seeing the negative tests every time brought a new pain to our struggle.

In college in the middle of an evening class I started experiencing severe abdominal pain, the pain got worse the longer I waited, it was some of the worst pain I had ever experienced, driving home I was in tears trying to get back to my apartment. I waited to see if the pain would go away but it didn’t, it got progressively worse to the point I thought my appendix had ruptured. Someone drove me to the hospital where I was admitted and tests were run. I was put on morphine for the pain and after discovering it was not my appendix the doctors advised it was probably a ruptured ovarian cyst and to see a gynecologist in the morning for an ultrasound. My mom drove up after getting me an appointment and took me to the gynecologist who determined it was a cyst that had ruptured. She told me the only treatment to prevent them was birth control. This was my first cyst of many, another time I believe I had one I went to urgent care for the pain and the male doctor told me he thought it was just constipation, that one wasn’t nearly as painful, it may not have ruptured and that’s why the pain was lesser or it could have been a smaller one, but I never found out because of how easily my pain was dismissed.

I was on the same birth control for years until the company that made the one I was using discontinued the medication, when I switched to the new medication I started getting terrible migraines. I was sent to a neurologist who told me it was due to my hormonal birth control medications and some women experience these symptoms, shortly after stopping the migraines went away. I looked into getting paragard which is the copper IUD that doesn’t use hormones. I would never recommend this to anyone, I developed the most painful periods and cramping while on this, my period was significantly heavier and it was absolutely miserable. About more than a year after having the paragard in I kept bleeding for days after my period should have ended. It went on for about 2 weeks when I went to my doctor she checked and she’s like I think it’s still in place, then shortly after she determined it was embedded in my uterus. She then proceeded to remove it by ripping it out, no ultrasound was done to check our anything like that just straight ripping it out. The pain was excruciating, after this I found online a lot of people had similar experiences with paragard and making their periods worse and more painful. I went off of birth control completely after that experience. This was probably a year before my husband and I got married.

John and I knew that we wanted to start a family after we got married, almost all of our friend group was married with kids. I always loved being around kids and we were the unofficial aunt and uncle to a lot of our friends kids, but we knew we wanted our own. I knew it was important to bring up my fertility concerns to my doctor as soon as possible and find out if there was anything we could do to help us conceive.

My best advice to anyone trying to get pregnant is to find an OBGYN that you are comfortable with and take any concerns you have seriously. My first OBGYN told me “I think everyone should wait a year after they’re married before getting trying.” That was the last time I went to that doctor. I found another doctor that I immediately got along with, she took my concerns seriously. I was concerned about PCOS and endometriosis being a possibility for us. After switching to my new OBGYN, she took everything I said seriously and as a very real possibility. We were about a year into trying to get pregnant when she prescribed me letrozole at the start of my period to try and help with conception. We did this for a couple of cycles before she recommended us to a fertility clinic.